Two Faced
by remonrime
Summary: Dib sneaks out to the park and is startled when he finds Gir there. Gir malfunctions, eyes turning red, and that's when the loooooove begins. GirxDib Crack, fluff, dark Gir.


**CRACK PAIRING. I love GirxDib, even though the fandom isn't very large and people think it's rather strange. I wrote this to contribute to the COMPLETE LACK of GirxDib stories on this site. Robosexual love is just as good as ZaDr.**

**And it probably has to due with the fact that I come from the Transformers BumbleebeexSam fandom. I've had my dose of robosexual-ness.**

**Review please? **

**

* * *

  
**

_-xx-_

He chose the park this time.

It was dark out, the stars glittering faintly up above while the moon shone with a glamorous splendor. On many nights, Dib would often wake up from a fitful sleep and sneak out the Membrane household, where he would then scavenge the outside world for any place that offered seclusion and much needed tranquility. Sometimes, he couldn't sleep at all and would go throughout the day like a zombie, heavy-lidded and dreadfully lethargic.

Dib meandered over towards an empty park bench settled between thickets of bushes and tepidly took a seat, slinking back into the aged wood. Usually he'd pick a more isolated and hidden place than this one, such as an abandoned alley way or behind some haphazard liquor store, but tonight Dib didn't feel much like walking such a long distance just to find a place to sleep. The park would have to suffice.

He leaned back and folded his hands into his lap, shivering as a gust of wind ruffled through his hair and flailed the baggy sleeves of his night t-shirt. Just as he was getting lost in himself, in his thoughts about Zim and the safety of the Earth and how people still couldn't – _wouldn't_ believe him no matter how hard he tried to convince them otherwise, he was jerked back to reality when he heard a scuffle a little ways away.

Dib peeled himself away from the bench and sat straight, eyes scanning the expanse of the park, but all he could see were sparse tree shrubs, gangling branches, and the occasional tipped trash can. He pursed his lips, abstaining from saying anything, even though he desperately wanted to cry out for help. He quickly looked to his right, but his eyes only landed on vacant space. Shaking his head and deciding he'd rather not spook himself out, Dib turned his head.

And saw Gir.

The little robot was sitting to his left alongside him, stubby metallic legs kicking back and forth as he stared up at Dib, saucer-like eyes wide and observing.

"G-Gir, what are you doing here?" Dib started shakily, shifting his eyes from side to side. Wherever Gir was, Zim was sure to follow. "Where's Zim?" The robotic unit immediately sprang up at the mention of his Master's name and placed an alloy finger to Dib's lips, eyes slanting warily but his ever-present smile never wavering.

"Shhhh!" Gir whispered, pressing his face close to the human's. Cold metal met flesh, the harshness of it stinging against Dib's cheek and making him wince from the freezing tingle it sparked. For a moment, Dib lost himself, too transfixed on the sight of those wide, teal-tinted eyes that stared directly into his own. He felt like some sort of moth staring into two whirlpools of vibrant teal flame. It was rather unsettling to say in the least, and Dib instinctively backed away from the grubby little thing. He watched Gir frown at his removal, but the frown was instantaneously replaced with a wide goofy smile, pink tongue lolling out candidly.

"Master doesn't knows I'm heeeeeeere!" Gir continued, still leering at Dib. The SIR unit quickly hopped up and placed himself within Dib's lap, head tilted up as he stared and stared.

"Wait, he doesn't? What? Shouldn't he, I mean . . ." Dib trailed off, realizing that it was useless trying to pry any sense of logic or information out of the deranged robot. Said robot was currently staring off into space, stubby arms fiddling with the hem of Dib's shirt, and wait a minute, was he starting to lift it . . .?

"Hey!" Dib protested, immediately snatching the hem of his shirt from Gir. Dib flushed, thoroughly miffed at the turn of events. "Don't do that!" For a second there, Dib thought Gir was going to cry, on account that the color of his eyes dulled and his eyes sunk in, but the emotion quickly passed and Gir continued to lean into the human, pressing his tinny body against Dib's abdomen.

"Please, pretty, pretty please!" Gir crooned, rubbing his face against Dib's shirt. "I just wansta' see one time, only one time! PLEASE!?"

"N-no!" Dib sputtered, backing away, however he couldn't really get any far considering he was still seated. He pressed his back up against the wood, watching in alarm as the robot got nearer still.

"Whyyyyyy?? There might be a muffin unda' there," Gir stated, his voice shrill and synthetically digitized. Gir prodded at Dib's abdomen and continued with this until his pace started to pick up, and until Dib watched in fright as Gir's prodding dipped lower and lower, nearly wadding his whole arm underneath the human's shirt and lifting it up listlessly. Gir plastered on a wickedly sweet smile, teal eyes brightening as he continued to lift up the hem of the shirt.

"Ohhhhhh," the unit cooed, giggling maniacally. His head might have spun around. "What's THIS, lovey pie? IS THIS A BUTTON?" Gir prodded at Dib's belly button, still giggling hysterically.

"I-it's my belly button, and could you get off me?!" Dib hollered, trying to smack away the offending arm. Dib immediately drew back when Gir jerked his head up, mouth forming into a straight line and eyes tapering into malicious red slits. Dib gasped in surprise and gulped, his nerve ends on fire and panic lacing an inferno throughout his skeletal frame. Dib was a fairly intelligent person, and even if he hadn't known that Gir could slip in and out into defensive mode, he would have still guessed that the sudden change in color from bubbly blue to sadistic red meant nothing but something wicked coming his way. However, he couldn't really figure out why Gir was getting defensive at all without a command from Zim—Dib wasn't that much of a threat was he?

Dib watched with a mix of morbid fascination as Gir broke eye contact and lowered his head still, slanted eyes radiating an impious red. The top of the unit's antenna briefly brushed across the front of Dib's chest and he couldn't help but hiss silently to himself. He couldn't move, nor did he think it'd be a good idea while Gir was currently locked in defensive mode—all bets were off at this point.

"G-Gir?" Dib whispered. The SIR unit briefly looked up, eyes still glittering vermilion, before snapping his head to the side and extracting a 12" plasma gun from the side of his neck The gun was attached to a jointed alloy bar that extended from the unit's neck, allowing Gir to control the weapon without the use of his hands: the ultimate form of hands-free weaponry. Dib nearly shrieked as the point of the gun flashed directly in his face, radiation particles crackling and zapping about the gun's barrel. "Watch where you're pointing that thing, please?!"

Gir cocked his head, red eyes still narrowed and mouth drawn into a thin line. "Target locked. Assessing diagnostic scan. Loading, loading, processing. Transmission received."

In half a mili-second, Gir retracted his weapon and his blood-red eyes morphed into a distressing blue. Dib thought he looked almost sad.

"Awwwwww," Gir cried, tears welling in his eyes. He pouted and stared up at Dib, tiny fingers bunching up the fabric of his shirt. "Are you scared?!" Dib stared down with widened eyes, not sure how to phrase his answer. Had Gir just scanned him? And of course he had been scared, he'd been staring down the barrel of a plasma gun! Dib gulped and looked away, trying his best not to make eye contact with the robot. He was afraid if he said something wrong, Gir would get back into that cynical mode of his.

"Um, no?" Dib lied, still looking away. He felt Gir's fingers tighten around the material of his shirt, alloy digits nearly gouging into Dib's chest. He winced as a sharp explosion of pain stung its way up his chest.

"You're lying," Gir confirmed, eyes glowing bright red. The SIR unit stood up from his perch on Dib's lap and grabbed the collar of the human's shirt, nearly toppling Dib off the bench. The human was now face to face with the robot, the red tint from the unit's eyes ricocheting off Dib's startled face. For a little hunk of metal, Gir was surprisingly strong.

"O-okay, maybe I am, but can you please let me go! I'll go home now, okay?" Dib pleaded, eager to escape the SIR unit's clutches. All he wanted to do was run back home and crawl into the confines of his own warm bed. If he would have known his daily night of solitude was going to be interrupted by a deranged, bi-polar robot, Dib would have never snuck out. Dib sighed, the hairs on the nape of his neck standing on end. "Is that what you want? Do you want me to leave or something? I'll leave, no problem!"

"NUUU! You can't!" Gir half shrieked, wide eyes turning blue. The little robot immediately wrapped his arms around Dib's neck and hugged him close, rubbing the side of his metallic cheek along Dib's. "I'm sorry, big-head-boy. I won't be mean anymore. Stay, PLEEEEASE."

"B-but, you're kind of freaking me out! More than usual!" Dib muttered hysterically, trying his best to remain as far away as possible. He didn't really do an adequate job, since Gir was still wound tightly around Dib's neck.

"We can talks about mongooses," Gir pleaded still, paying no heed to Dib's protests. He trailed a finger down Dib's cheek, and then placed both hands on either side of the human's face. Gir pulled Dib closer. "And we'll be bestest friends of the looooove."

Dib rocketed out of his seat and booked it when Gir quickly swiped his tongue across Dib's lips. With the human moving farther and farther away, Gir sprang up and tilted his head, eyes darkening a crude red. He smiled.

The chase was on.

* * *

**Shoot me now. I actually REALLY dig defensive-mode Gir. He's so bitchin'!**

**Review, yes?**


End file.
